Dark Musings
by Aedien
Summary: There are times when there is nothing to do but think. To ponder the past, things that were and things that can never be. It's too late to go back and the future is in darkness though they refuse to give up on their dreams.


AN: This has been brewing in the back of my mind for awhile now. Something different from my usual, light-hearted themes. Darker, deeper, and with a character that I've all but ignored. Please let me know what you think.

Darkness.

I live in darkness.

Not because I have to; no, this is a path that I have chosen, and I walk on it with my own two feet.

It was strange at first. Though I insisted that I knew what I was doing, there was no way to be prepared for what I found in this stinking hole, but I endure. I have known horrors and suffering and neither can scare me anymore.

It's always been dangerous; I knew he was insane when I came to him, but what do I care as long as I get what I want?

For the first few months I was constantly on my guard, I never knew when he would lose interest or find some better use for me, or even replace me with some other, less willing victim.

I was so weak back then, I had to be ceaselessly vigilant if I had any chance of surviving to see my goals realized.

That has changed though, I made sure of that. In spite of my frayed nerves and sleep deprivation I trained harder every day.

He has no tolerance for anything other that complete mastery of everything he throws at me.

That's fine.

I'll play his game for now. He has no idea how strong I really am, no idea that I have been working on jutsus of my own in the dead of night when there is no one around to see. Not even that whipped dog that he keeps trailing along at his heels.

I know he'd love to see me like that. No will of my own, living to serve his twisted, crazed obsessions, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing me fall into the same pit that he has dug for himself.

So I train, and I wait in my room, avoiding all human contact. It's bad enough that I must deign to remain here, but that doesn't mean I have to mingle with the slime that he insists on employing.

Instead I sleep, and I think. There's nothing else to do. I remember; and I imagine.

And I bide my time.

He doesn't know that he's brought his own demise in through the front door. He assumes that because I was a child when I came to him, that I never understood.

He has no intention of letting me live long enough to avenge myself. Hmph, let me live. Yes he can think that, it makes no difference.

I have no intention of allowing him to exist any longer than I have to. He will vanish when he has outlived his usefulness to me.

Ha. Maybe I have picked up a few of his habits, because he thinks of me the same way. It seems he can't be bothered to hide his thoughts, he's always been transparent.

I don't think he has an ounce of subtlety in his entire body; funny, that reminds me of someone else I once knew, though I hate the thought of them in the same country, much less the same sentence.

Sometimes even thinking seems like too much for me. Faces from my past drift through my mind; one that I will never forget, and many more that I can't forget no matter how hard I try.

It's truly maddening and at those times I can't help but wonder if this is how the snake lost his mind; rotting away in the darkness, haunted by the consequences of his ambitions.

It's times like these that I can't sit still; I get the feeling that if I let them these thoughts will swallow me and I'll be lost beyond redemption.

I've taken to wandering the halls when that dangerous mood falls on me. It usually happens in the dead of night when there is nowhere to go and no one to train me.

At first it worried me; I've often seen him roaming the halls at night, and in spite of what he wants from me, I don't want to fall into his mannerisms.

It did worry me; until I realized that we do what we do for different reasons. It doesn't matter though, there are so many turns and twists to the numerous passages that we rarely even get close enough to hear one another's footsteps.

I even got lost once, unless you know the way by heart, it's easy to get confused.

Every one of the damn places looks the same and in spite of how inefficient it is, he insists on using candles rather than electric lighting.

I think he prefers their ambiance, but if they burn out unexpectedly it usually goes unnoticed until there are entire hallways lost in the shadows.

These snake's nests are massive, it could be weeks before anyone wanders into those unlit corridors. No one moves through the halls unless necessary, it's far to dangerous for average ninja to take lightly.

The few times that it has happened the servants go in large groups to relight the passages. They're afraid because we usually find him slithering about in the darkness laughing to himself.

Damn it's annoying, listening to that laugh, it makes me want to rip his serpent's heart right out of his worthless flesh. Hmmmm, perhaps that isn't a bad idea, he's been getting on my nerves lately.

It'll have to wait though, there's still more that I can learn from him. For now, I have no alternative or it will delay my plans.

Recently the phantoms of my past have haunted me everywhere I go. No matter what I do I can't seem to shake them, even while I am absorbed with my training I can feel my memories, prowling at the edges of my mind.

I think it's because they finally caught up to me last week.

I never thought that they would actually hunt me this long and this far.

Any normal person would have given up a long time ago, back when I tried to cut ties with them and left them behind without looking back.

It seems the harder that I try to break the bonds that once held us together, the harder they work to strengthen them and in that respect I'm outnumbered.

They've deluded themselves into thinking that if they can just find me then everything will be alright.

It's obvious that they haven't thought beyond what will happen on the off chance that they actually find me again and manage to beat me into submission then drag me back to Konoha.

Do they honestly think that if they get me back home that everything can just go on the way it did before?

They're assuming too much. Godaime might allow me to live for his sake, but I'll probably never be free again.

I understood that when I chose to leave; a missing nin can never go back to the way things were before.

I've made myself an enemy to the entire village, and there is no way for either the Hokage or the council to get around that.

If that is what I must sacrifice then so be it, there are other things that are far more painful to lose and I can live without anything at all if I can finally put an end to the life that I despise above all others.

I tried to make that clear, but they still try. Neither of them was ever good at taking a hint; either they're extremely dense, or they choose to ignore the truth.

I suppose it's a little of both. Still, it would be better for them both if they just stayed away; if they got in my way I can't be sure what I would do.

I've thought about it, but I can't say for certain; as much as I would like to think that I would kill them without a second thought, it never seems that way when they are standing before me, staring up at me with those foolishly hopeful eyes.

I think my eyes were like that once, long ago, before the cursed blood that runs through my veins took hold of my destiny.

The two of them insist that they are trying to save me from the snake, and myself, but it's far too late for that.

They should have realized by now that I have no more chances; every time they offered me their friendship it was a chance to start again. A chance to move on and let the horrors of my childhood rest in the graves of my family.

For awhile I considered it.

There was a time where I really considered letting it go and at least trying to be happy again. Happy with them. They of all people had a chance to understand how I felt; the two of them knew what it meant to be lonely.

That was until I saw him again. The sight of that man froze my heart; giving new life to my hatred for the one who destroyed my world.

Everything they had done to warm my heart was lost the instant I saw his eyes, so much like my own, yet so full of unashamed treachery.

They should have known then that there was nothing they could do. I did my best to make it clear, hoping that they wouldn't interfere if they thought I had never cared.

However, I didn't count on their persistence, but then it wasn't the first time that I had underestimated them.

It's about time to meet him for training. Not much longer now, very soon he will regret that he ever laid eyes on me.

Maybe then they'll accept that I'm safe and I'm not coming back; it would be better if they did, then they can forget about me and let me finish what I started without their interference.

Hmph. They'll be so happy when they hear I've killed him; I'll have to make sure that word gets out to everyone, then they'll hear about it soon enough.

I can already imagine their faces.

AN: Okay, to be honest I have a love/hate opinion of Sasuke. On one hand I think he's a whiny little brat and I get REALLY tired of hearing him rant about how he was traumatized as a child (Yeah Sasuke, you're the ONLY ninja in Konoha who had it tough as a kid rolls eyes). On the other hand, he's psychologically fascinating, and he has one of the most detailed backgrounds of all the Naruto characters. So, much like Naruto, he makes for a fun writing subject. SighWhat's a girl to do?


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